5 Ways to Quickly Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Unlike IQ, which does not change significantly throughout life, our EQ can evolve and increase with the desire to learn and grow.
Emotional Intelligence (EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage and effectively express one's own feelings, as well as successfully participate in those of others.
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| 5 Ways to Quickly Improve Your Emotional Intelligence |
90% of high-performing professionals have high EQ, while 80% of low-performing professionals have low EQ. Emotional intelligence is absolutely essential in the formation, development, maintenance, and enhancement of close personal relationships.
Here are five keys to quickly improving emotional intelligence:
1. The ability to cope with one's own negative emotions
"We become what we think about all day." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Perhaps no aspect of EQ is more important than our ability to effectively manage our own negative emotions, so they don't overwhelm us and impair our judgment. In order to change the way we feel about a situation, we first have to change the way we think about it. Neuro-psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen has developed an easy to practice tool, an exercise called "ANT Therapy or Killing our automatic negative thoughts", which helps to examine the nature of our negative experiences, and refer to them in such a way Reduce negative emotions.
2. The ability to remain calm under pressure
"The problem starts in the mouth." Chinese proverb
Most of us experience some level of stress in life. How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive vs. reactive and balanced vs. exhausted? When we are under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to stay calm. Here are some quick tips:
A. If you're feeling angry and upset with someone, before you say something you might regret later, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most cases, by the time you get to ten, you will have found a better way to communicate the issue, so it can be reduced, rather than compounded, of the problem. If you're still angry after counting to ten, if possible, take some time off, and come back to the issue after you've calmed down.
B. If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. The cold temperature can help reduce the level of anxiety. Avoid caffeinated drinks that can stimulate your nervousness.
C. If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try vigorous aerobic exercise. energize you. The way we use our body greatly affects the way we feel. As the saying goes, movement dictates emotion. By experiencing the vitality of your body, your confidence will grow as well.
D. If you feel overwhelmed, confused, or uninspired, get outside and clear your head. Go to nature and surround yourself with colors green and blue, which has a calming effect. Find a panoramic view and look into the distance. walk. Breath deeply. Empty your mind. Come back with a new perspective.
3. The ability to read social cues
"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Anais Nin
People with a high EQ are generally more accurate in their ability to perceive and interpret the emotional, physical, and verbal expressions of others. They also know how to communicate effectively to clarify intentions. Based on the writing of Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II, here are a couple of tips to increase the accuracy of reading social cues:
A. When we see an expression from someone that we do not fully understand, come to at least two possible interpretations before drawing conclusions. For example, you may be tempted to think that my friend is not returning my calls because he is ignoring me, or you may consider the possibility that he has been very busy. When the personalization of the behaviors of others is avoided, we can perceive its more objective expression. People do what they do for them more than for us. Broadening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstandings.
B. Ask for clarification when necessary. If necessary, consult with the other person to clarify why she behaves as she does. Ask open-ended questions like, "I'm curious, can you tell me why...?", and avoid accusations and judgments. Compare that person's words with body language and behavior to see if there is congruence.
4. The ability to be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary
"Being who we are demands that we be able to talk openly about the things that are important to us, that we have a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the boundaries of what is acceptable and tolerable for us in a relationship. ." Harriet Lerner
There are times in our lives when it is important to set our boundaries properly, so that people know where we are. These can include exercising our right to disagree (without being nasty), saying "no" without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities, getting what we pay for, and protecting ourselves from coercion and harm.
One method to consider when having to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. Here are some examples:
"I am convinced that I should receive recognition from the company based on my contributions."
"I feel uncomfortable when you expect me to help you with your own priorities."
"I feel disappointed when you didn't do anything when you told me you would."
"I get frustrated when you continue to not take our finances seriously."
"I felt hurt when you made fun of me at dinner last night."
Avoid using phrases that begin with "you" and are followed by an accusation or judgment, such as "you are...", "you must...", "it is necessary..." as this puts the listener on the defensive and it makes him less likely to be open to what you have to say.
5. The ability to express intimate emotions in intimate or personal relationships
"We live refugees from each other." Celtic Proverb
The ability to express our emotions effectively and lovingly is essential for maintaining close personal relationships. In this case, "effective" means to share intimate feelings with someone in a proper relationship, in a way that is nurturing and constructive, and to be able to respond in the affirmative to the other person who does the same.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman calls the expression of intimate emotions "tender." The tender can be any type of positive connection between two people who want a close relationship. For example: A verbal offer: "How are you?", "How are you feeling", "I love you", "I appreciate that", "I like it when we talk like this", "I'm glad we're spending this time together "," you are a good friend "," I'm sorry ".
Tender body language: positive eye contact, hugs, smiles, nuzzling elbow, arm around shoulder.
The tender in behavior: offering food or drink, a personalized card, a thoughtful gift, a favor that is needed. Empathic Checklist: Participate in shared activities that create a closer bond.
Dr. Gottman's research reveals that building healthy relationships with others is done more or less up to hundreds of times a day. Words and gestures can be a million variations, all of which say, in essence, "I care about you," "I want to be with you," and "You are important in my life." A constant and consistent offer is crucial in the maintenance and development of close and personal relationships. It is the vitamin of love.
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know your name is safe in their mouth." Four-year-old Billy, who defines love on the Internet.
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